Accomplishing 10 Years of Marriage While Co-Parenting with an Ex-Spouse Calls for a Celebration!

Marriage is not easy.

Co-parenting with an ex-spouse is not easy.

Putting the two together is not easy!

My wonderful husband and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage.This was a BIG accomplishment for the both of us and we celebrated BIG! The accomplishment was in the fact that we both come from a lineage of divorce and we are both choosing to make our marriage, our relationship with one another, as good as we can possibly make it.

We recently came together to reflect on:

• What has kept our marriage together.

• The effects co-parenting with an ex has had on our marriage.

• And the ways we are currently working to preserve and strengthen our marriage.

There are a lot of layers as to why co-parenting with an ex is taxing, and the relationship can become more complicated when bringing step-parents into the relationship. We both agreed that in some ways this hindered our marriage, but in other ways, it strengthened it.

We spent the majority of the first half of our marriage trying to navigate our co-parenting issues with my ex. These issues that arose took time and attention away from focusing on our marriage relationship. Many areas of our marriage could have been strengthened sooner if we had not had these added issues to navigate through.

On the other hand, these co-parenting issues actually strengthened our bond with one another. I was very grateful to have someone to lean on and share my concerns with. Many times, I was impressed with my husband’s wisdom when he would give advice on certain issues. My gratitude and trust in my husband quickly grew during these early years.

The most influential contribution, to keeping our marriage intact, is the fact that we invite God into our lives and into our marriage. I am amazed by the number of times we prayed,, and God stepped into our marital situations and brought the changes we needed to our hearts and minds. This process does take two willing people, open minds, open hearts, and patience.

Along with daily prayer, we also attend church weekly. Not only do we pray together for our marriage, but at times, God has laid our marriage on the hearts of others to pray for it as well. We attend a church that invests in marriages. Periodically, our church offers marriage classes or weekend seminars that we attend. We always leave learning something new, feeling challenged to change, and comforted that we are not alone in our struggles.

There seem to be a list of struggles that are inevitable to all marriages. These struggles transcend age, race, social status, economic status, and time. Any struggle handled constructively--by both individuals--is a catapult for growth.

Struggle does not have to be a bad thing. Just ask anyone at the gym with a “hot bod”--they will tell you the struggle is “real.” Ha! Ha!

If you are reading this and having issues within your marriage, as well as your co-parenting relationship, my heart goes out to you. May God bless your precious heart and take the stress from your body. I encourage you to seek the Lord with all your heart and open your mind to His Word daily. He will blanket you with peace and light your path so that you can find your next step to take. A smoother road lies ahead--just keep in step with Jesus. Praying God blesses you right now.

I would like to share with you an analogy that I came up with when my first marriage failed. I was reflecting on what had gone wrong. There was a long list but basically it all summed up to this: our relationship was like an aluminum soda can. Everytime we spoke harsh words to one another or acted disrespectful towards the other person, we dented the can. Sadly, we had so many dents in the short time we had been together that the can was unrepairable. It looked like one of those cans you see on the road, run over by car after car that you barely recognize as a pop can. But if you allow only a few small squeezes to a can, you can pop it back into shape again with little to no variances in appearance.

My motto now is: “Don’t dent the can.”

My husband and I have made it through 10 years of marriage because our can is upright, popped back into shape, and full of the good stuff.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12