Dear Co-Parent...I Know Your Grief

“Have a holly jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the year!”, they sing. The Holiday Season is a time filled with merry, warm feelings for many people. Doesn’t it seem like we are ALL expected to feel that way? For some people, this expectation isn’t easily attainable.

Grief can come in like a thief (or the Grinch) in the night and overshadow those merry, warm feelings with emptiness, sadness, jealousy, and loneliness. People have many reasons to grieve. For those of us co-parenting, the reason is loss of time – loss of time with our precious children that we will never get back. Loss of shared traditions, loss of shared special occasions, loss of memory making, and loss of valuable time spent together all open the gate of our heart for grief to come in. All loss is devastating. All loss bears the right to grieve.

Dear co-parent, I know your grief. I know the emptiness that sets in on Christmas morning when your kids aren’t there. I know the sadness that sets in when your kids aren’t with you for the Christmas Eve candlelight church service. I know the sadness that sets in when your kids can’t attend the fun-filled ugly Christmas sweater party, the cookie decorating party, or the light parade because all three do not fall on your placement day. I know the stressful, overwhelming feeling of trying to fit in all your traditions in the short amount of time you have with them. I know the horrible feeling when a family member(s) catches a virus making these plans even more challenging to obtain. It can feel like climbing a mountain without a rope.

What do you do with the grief? What do you do with the lost time and loneliness? What do you do with jealous feelings? What do you do with all this junk?...Go hide in a cave with your dog like the Grinch? [In all honesty, I have so wanted to do this. When I’m grieving, being around people usually isn’t desirable.]

I’m going to answer my questions with a question. Why do we celebrate Christmas? What is the season all about?

Get to the grassroots of the Holiday Season and stay there. Keep your mind on Jesus –why He came, what He did, and grow in your knowledge of who He is and how much He loves you.

When you do this, grief will dissipate, the Holiday Season will shine brighter, your heart will heal and joy will fill it.

It's okay to grieve – it’s understandable. Just know that you don’t have to stay in a state of grief. It’s impossible to not feel its tinge from time to time, but you don’t have to be so consumed by it that you hide away in a cave, with your dog, eating Christmas cookies, drinking eggnog, and watching Hallmark movies until your eyes can no longer focus.

Jesus came to spare you from grief. Grief is a by-product of sin. Jesus overcame sin on the cross. You can overcome through the power of His blood and Holy Spirit.

Dear One, I am praying this prayer over you and you can pray it too: Lord, I plead Your blood over the grief I am feeling right now. I pray you will strengthen and renew me with the power of Your Holy Spirit – in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16