Is Your Ex a Bully?: 4 Ways to Beat a Bully

Definition of a bully:

Bully (n.) - A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive vulnerable. (source: Oxford Languages)

Bully (v.) - to treat someone in a cruel, insulting, threatening, or aggressive fashion: to act like a bully toward. (source: Merriam Webster)

At some point in our lives, we eventually encounter a bully. They are everywhere--on playgrounds, riding school buses, working in office buildings, driving on freeways, and possibly even attending family reunions. Ouch! It’s one thing to encounter one and another to be related to one. When we encounter a bully we look for a way of escape. We find paths to take in order to keep a safe distance from the bully. When a person is co-parenting their child with a bully, it is impossible to eliminate contact. So what do you do? How do you cope with this kind of impossible situation? In all honesty, I do not have the answers, however God’s Word does.

Step 1:

You can read in the definition of a bully that they seek out the vulnerable. Decrease YOUR vulnerability by becoming strong in the Lord. Seek the Lord by praying, praising, reading His Word, and giving Him your heart.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.--Psalm 28:7 (NIV)

Step 2:

Receive His Holy Spirit.This is our power. Jesus told His disciples he would send them a comforter, send them power from on high. Receiving the Holy Spirit is a vital part to defeating the bullies in life. You can read about being baptized in the Holy Spirit in the book of Acts.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you--Acts 1:8 (NIV)

Step 3:

Remember that even Jesus was bullied. He knew that sin abounds and not everyone was going to like Him, accept Him, or treat Him kindly. Throughout the Gospels, we read about His unfair treatment. With each encounter, aside from the cross, He always has a word of wisdom in reply to the insults. He then leaves. He doesn’t stick around. He keeps the encounter short. Be like Jesus and keep a distance from bullies. Only have contact that is necessary and keep it short. As for the cross, He approached that unfair treatment with an amount of mercy and grace that no human could match.

Step 4:

Be humble. Humility is your protective armour that keeps the bully from being able to hurt you. When a person is humble they accept their faults, and shortcomings and rely on God. When the bully uses insults, the words no longer offend you but rather roll off your back. Another example of humility is this; let’s say you are walking across a stage in front of a large crowd. You trip and fall. Without humility, the fall will hurt your ego. However,, with an attitude of humility, you will not harm your ego, and if not physically hurt, will probably find some humor in the situation.

The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.--Proverbs 22:4 ESV

There are your four tried and true steps to overcoming a bully. Once you’ve implemented all of these into your life, you are no longer a “vulnerable” target, and the bully no longer is a bully but rather a person you communicate with on a very short, need-be basis. I hope this has encouraged you and inspired you to find God’s path for your co-parenting journey.