Out With the Old Co-Parenting and in With the New

I have been in a co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband for over 10 years now. Recently, I have reflected on my outlook and responses to certain situations during those early years of co-parenting. It amazes me how much my thought process has changed.

I’m going to give you some “old co-parenting me” vs. “new co-parenting me” scenarios. Maybe you can relate? Or maybe you will just get a good laugh? Either way, I will humbly now share how ridiculous I acted, and let you see, by the grace of God, how far my mindset growth has come.

Here’s the scene:

She wakes up and drives to pick up her children. Upon arrival, she finds her children eating frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast.

Old me:

She would quickly become frustrated and say, “This is not breakfast food. Uh...have you ever heard of Kashi? Did you read the doctor handout on fiber I gave you weeks ago? They need fiber!” Quietly, in her head she would be thinking, what kind of parent does this?!

New Me:

She would calmly say, “Did you happen to get a chance to read that fiber handout from the doctor? No pressure either way.” Quietly, she would be thinking to herself, No worries. Stay calm. It's no different than a donut for breakfast. You can load them with fiber all day today. Getting kids fed before work in the morning is difficult. Not to mention, some kids don’t have food to eat at all so I should be grateful mine do. Then she would proceed to move on with her day free from frustration.

Those two responses are quite different. I have numerous others that could be shared. Now that my children are teen and tween, the issues revolve around hygiene, homework, social time, etc. The scenarios have changed and so has my attitude -- thank, God! At some point in the relationship, something inside of me switched. I would not call it apathy, but rather confidence that my kids were going to be okay; their end result, from whatever scenario, was going to be a good one.

Parents are in the business of controlling outcomes for their children. We start by choosing a good doctor, healthy foods, good schools; then take it a step further and buckle them in safety belts and crash helmets. When you’re co-parenting your children in two separate households, overseeing every situation is no longer a possibility. That can be hard to swallow, especially when you are striving and working hard to provide the best environment possible.

How did I get to this point of confidence? It’s going to sound like a simple answer, but it wasn’t simple at all. I started with prayer, then church attendance, that led to Bible study, which led to receiving the Holy Spirit, and all of this combined led to a relationship with Jesus. You see I wanted help. I asked for help, and over time I got help. Yes, I cried. I pouted. I questioned God. But ultimately, I wanted to be set free from pain, bitterness, and frustration. I was willing to do whatever it took to be set free. Set free I was. God did it for me and He wants to do it for you.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)