Stigmas Stink

I recently attended a conference where I sold my book titled “From Wedding Rings to Hula-Hoops--A Co-Parenting Manual for Finding Peace on Your Journey”. A lady walked up to my table where I was sitting with my books. She read the title, looked up at me, and

then I began to tell her what the book is about.

Her response to my description was not at all what I was expecting to hear.

She said, “I would NEVER divorce! I am not that kind of person!”

I politely nodded my head and smiled with this reply, “Yes, that is good. However, some marriages suffer from abuse and infidelity.”

She then replied, “I would get help.”

I nicely replied, “That takes two willing people.”

She looked at me blankly and walked away.

As she walked away, many thoughts raced through my head such as:

• This stigma still exists?! HELLO, it's 2021!

• How many people harbor this same attitude towards divorced individuals?

How many divorced people have experienced shame due to the stigma others placed on them?

• How can someone who has not experienced abuse, addiction, and infidelity understand the agony it brings into a marriage?

• Placing a stigma on someone who is already hurting is not helping them heal--it only causes more hurt.

• How can this stigma be broken?

I do not have the answer to all of my questions, but what I do know is this:

Divorce is as ancient as days. We read about a certificate of divorce being given in the Old Testament.

Historically, a stigma was placed on divorced individuals in a multitude of cultures. Women of the past put up with a lot of junk in their marriages! (Men too--read the book of

Hosea!) The women of old seem to have been tougher physically, mentally, and emotionally when dealing with marital issues. (Maybe this was due to the stigma that they would have received if they left

their marriage?) The root of all marriage issues is sin. Sin has always abounded on the earth. (Ecclesiastes 7:20) Something shifted in recent decades and a multitude of people decided they would no longer live with abuse, addiction, and infidelity within their marriages.

This shift in thinking brought with it another group of individuals who decided that a lack of happiness and/or contentment was reason enough for divorce. Therefore, the divorce rates skyrocketed to all time highs.

The sanctity of marriage needs to be protected. People have more marital resources and places to turn for help now than they ever have had in history--yet, statistically, the divorce rate continues to climb higher. It’s no surprise we also see historic highs for drug and pornography addiction. Is there a correlation between the two statistics? I believe there is.

I love the stories of marriages that overcame giant obstacles. They slew the dragons in their lives, stuck by each other's side, and now find themselves growing more in love than ever before. However, we must remember that those stories take two people, making the same choice, to walk together--in unity.

God does not want anyone--let me say it again--ANYONE to b

e in an abusive situation. Do not simply walk away from abuse but RUN! You were not created to be a punching bag physically or emotionally. You also were not designed to be in a marriage bed that housed multiple people and put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. You were designed to be with one man/one woman. Do not allow a stigma to keep you living with abuse.

The message I want the world to hear and hold is this:

Divorce hurts--it hurts deep-no matter the reasons that dissolved the marriage.

Divorced individuals need to heal.

Please treat them with care, grace, and lots of love.

To those divorced:

Do not allow a stigma to shame you.

Live your life according to God’s plan and purpose in creating you and all hurt, shame, doubt, and regrets will be wiped away.

“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” -Ephesians 4:32