The Influence Step-Parents Have on Co-Parenting Relationships

The attitude of a step-parent can really make or break a co-parenting relationship. Once other people enter, the relationship no longer relies on two, but now on three or four people. Throughout my early teen years, my mother would say, “birds of a feather flock together.” Hopefully your flock is full of peace-loving, kindhearted people. Attitudes can be contagious; so is a bad cold or better yet, a big smile. It is imperative that all involved have the same goals and keep their attitudes in check.

My wonderful husband has been a huge support to me on my co-parenting journey. Let me share the top three ways he has been supportive:

1. His optimism comes when I need it the most. Issues arise, and I will think the sky is falling; he always reminds me that everything will be okay.

2. His support is crucial. He is always there to talk me through issues and to bounce ideas and communication off of. Many times I will read an email or text to him before I send it to my ex.

3. He always keeps the peacemaker attitude. He always approaches every co-parenting issue with the attitude of a peacemaker. This is a mutual goal we share but is not always easy to stick to.

He inspires me and keeps me accountable. I appreciate him greatly.

If you are reading this wishing you had this support, but are not yet in a new relationship, let me lend some advice. First, when seriously dating someone make sure they understand the dynamics, goals, and support you are looking for in your co-parenting relationship. Second,: look for this kind of support from a close friend or family member. Share with them your co-parenting goals and ask for their help in obtaining them.

The attitude of a step-parent toward the other parent is vital to the health of the co-parenting relationship. Let me encourage you to talk about any changes that need to be made within the co-parenting relationship and attitudes of all who are involved. Hold each other accountable to your goals. Pray together regularly concerning this. Lastly, if needed, reach out for help -- seek out a family counselor or church leader to support you on your co-parenting journey.

God’s Word has quite a lot to say on this subject. Let’s allow Him to have the last word.

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

Amos 3:3 (NIV)

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”

Proverbs 22:24-25 (NIV)

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)