Your Marriage Is Broken but Your Co-Parenting Doesn't Have to Be

I recently spoke with a person who was sharing inspiring insight regarding her co-parenting relationship. She was sharing that her ex-husband’s new family and hers are closer than they have ever been before. The two families went camping together last summer, spent some recent holidays together, and hosted occasional social visits in their homes. Wow! Wow! Wow! I don’t know about you, but in my mind this is one of those scenarios that people dream about; but few rarely make it their reality. You know, one of those “I took a year off and traveled the world” kind of stories. I absolutely adore the idea of kids feeling secure in knowing that both of their parents accept one another and are on the same team -- even though they are apart. But with that said, I do have one concern. I personally do not want to make divorce look easy or for my kids to not value the sanctity of marriage.

How do separated people get to a dreamy co-parenting place like this one? I would say it takes two, and when step-parents are involved, then four. They get there by working through their hurts, differences, bitterness, jealousy, anger, resentment, hurts, etc. They realize that their kids need a team -- a tribe of many -- caring for the children in harmony to best support their emotional growth.

Is my personal co-parenting relationship as dreamy as this one? No. However, it has made progress from where it once was to where it is now. This is due to my own shift in attitude and carefully navigating communication. When I married my former husband, I had a vision for the relationship. When we divorced, I caught a new vision for our co-parenting relationship. I dreamed of monthly family dinners together at Olive Garden, sitting together at sports games, sharing detailed information regarding the kids, and really taking on a friendship role. Has the relationship evolved into my dream? No. However, I will continue to take steps forward rather than backwards. Who knows -- maybe we will be able to plan our children’s weddings and grandkids’ birthday parties together someday?

As for my desire for my children to value the sanctity of marriage -- I would say a close knit co-parenting relationship does cultivate this because it models good relationships. It shows them the effort needed for a relationship, and broken relationships can indeed be mended with the right attitudes over time.

Do you desire to reach this point in your co-parenting relationship? It definitely takes two, or maybe four, willing individuals but it starts with YOU. In the same way you would dream of a year long vacation, oceanfront property, and a life of happiness with prosperity -- go ahead and dream of the perfect co-parenting relationship. Take the steps needed to meet your goal. Never forget that anything is possible. Philippians 4:14 tells us that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.